Mirrors and Metal
by Mega-Melfina
Summary: Eventual Seifer/Squall. Squall can't pull it together after the war, and develops an eating disorder. Who will help him regain control? Rated M for angst and such. *Previous chapters have been revamped*
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, or any of the characters from that game.

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Balamb Garden was rooted in its usual spot near the sea, close to Balamb. The moon hung high in the sky overhead, giving the massive airship an aura of light and a long shadow. Next to the sea and nestled in the hills, the Garden looked serene. Gentle sounds reached the academy: rolling waves, a breeze through the grass, crickets making music. It was a peaceful night.

Most of the Garden was dark, people inside sleeping or at least in the process of trying to. Few people moved around the corridors, and most of them were late night security. Most students and SeeDs were in their dormitories, resting up for another long day of studying, classes, and odd jobs.

Not all SeeDs were asleep. One SeeD in particular was wide awake, with no intentions of sleeping. Up on the third floor, he was isolated and unaware of the time. It could have been twelve in the afternoon for all he knew.

His bedroom was dark, fitting the rest of Garden, but there was a small band of light coming from under the closed bathroom door. It did little to illuminate the spacious condominium. The curtains were drawn in every room, blocking out any moon or starlight. The condo was quiet, no sound heard from anywhere within. Everything seemed still, just as the sleeping Garden. Everything seemed as it should be for the late hour.

However, inside the well-lit bathroom, Squall Leonhart looked questioningly at his reflection in the mirror. Frowning, he poked his cheek. He let his finger linger on his pale face, relishing the cool feeling of skin on skin.

'_Too fat...too round._' He thought, pinching the smooth, pale cheek roughly, digging in his fingernails. The skin quickly reddened under his touch. He turned his head to the side, giving himself a profile view. _'My neck is huge too. Look at all that fat hanging off...I'd better train some more tonight._' He grabbed the skin on his neck and jiggled it, making a noise of disgust in his throat. He let go with a definitive nod, eyes never leaving his body.

He turned his whole body to the side, taking in his full body in the tall mirror. Turning his gray eyes downward to continue the inspection of his body, he pinched his stomach. He forced himself to get a grip on the little excess flesh that was there.

"Disgusting." He voiced aloud, pinching so hard his skin began to violently color. "Everything about you is disgusting." With a horrified look, he turned away from the mirror, flicking the light switch angrily, and storming out of the bathroom, breaking the silence in the home. He grabbed a worn black hoodie and threw it over his head, maneuvering his unruly hair through the opening. A pair of gray workout pants was slipped on over his boxers. Grabbing Lionheart, his most prized possession, he quickly left his condo and made his way for the Training Center.

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	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter has been updated with more details, per request ^-^

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He hadn't always been like this. Squall had, of course, always been sullen, aloof, quiet, and critical. His friends knew this was simply his demeanor: the way he acted all the time. That was Squall. But he used to be able to function, have fun with his friends (at least on occasion), and have a somewhat positive attitude, especially when it came to certain topics. Sure, he got mad and tried to keep to himself most of the time, but he had friends, took pride in his job, and cared for his body and mind. He treated his body like a temple: keeping it in top physical form, healing it after duels, and eating the right foods. Nothing could stop him from being his best. He took pride in his achievements, as both a person and as a SeeD.

All that had changed since the war.

He had always heard that war changed people, since even before he became a SeeD. Squall never believed it. He thought that was a cop-out, a sign of weakness, an excuse. And deep down, he didn't believe it was the Sorceress War he fought in that caused his problems anyway. If it had just been the fighting and the killing, he could have been strong, and he would have made it through. He knew he would have. He wasn't that weak.

It was losing the one person he deeply cared about that broke him.

After they had come back from Time Compression and the final battle with Ultimecia, the group of heroes spent weeks in the infirmary. Time Compression took a massive toll on their bodies, leaving them weak, malnourished, and exhausted. Their bodies were feverish, bruised, and over-worked. Each one of the gang got their own hospital room, complete with an IV bag and heart monitor.

Being cooped up in a hospital room alone was bad enough for Squall, but it was made worse by spending every waking moment waiting, worrying, wondering. Each day he watched the door, listened to the nurses and doctors, turned on the small TV, and checked his portable phone for any sign that Seifer made it out as well. As he lay in bed with an IV dripping in his arm, he prayed that Seifer made it out of Time Compression as well, and was in another hospital, waiting for Squall to find him.

It never came. Seifer never answered Squall's calls. No one had seen or heard of anyone matching Seifer's description. News broadcasters declared him dead, sadly describing Seifer's achievements in life, ending with his brainwashing by the Sorceress Ultimecia and tragic demise. Each time someone came through the door that wasn't Seifer, Squall felt his heart break a little. Each time, he felt a little piece of himself die, and every day he gave up more and more. He couldn't believe Seifer was dead. Who else understood him like Seifer Almasy? He stayed in the hospital 2 weeks longer then everyone else, the depression keeping his body from healing as quickly. Upon leaving, he felt more desperate, alone and depressed then ever.

He tried to keep busy by doing paperwork for Garden, the paperwork that came along with his new job of Commander. But his mind was restless.

Once out of the Balamb Infirmary, Squall quietly retreated to his new room on the third floor of Balamb Garden. Since that day, it was where he spent most of his time. Isolated, Squall was free to mourn in his own ways, for as long as he wanted.

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"I'm worried about Squall." Rinoa stated bluntly, sitting across from Selphie and Irvine at the cafeteria table. The cafeteria was quiet: classes at Balamb Garden had started 20 minutes ago, and most people were lost in their studies. Rinoa nervously tapped her hand against her lunch tray. This was something she had been wanting to bring up for weeks, and finally got the courage. She looked at her friends, waiting for someone to respond.

"Yeah, me too!" Selphie finally exclaimed, swallowing her mouthful of French fries. "I haven't seen him since he checked out of the infirmary!" She gestured wildly with her arms, gently swatting Irvine. He gave her a sideways glance, peeking out through his bangs.

"Me neither..." Rinoa spoke quietly, starting into her soft drink. Selphie stopped flailing and gaped at Rinoa.

"You haven't seen him either? But...I thought you were like...his girlfriend?" Selphie twirled a piece of her brunette locks, thinking to herself. Rinoa sadly shook her head, giving a sad smile.

"I don't think so. I mean...we kissed...but it didn't feel like anything..." She chewed her lip carefully, fighting the moisture building in her eyes. She cared for Squall greatly, but it was obvious they were not a good pair. He was more like a big brother to her. She had gently told him that she wasn't interested in a relationship, and he had seemed to take it alright. "I hope that's not why he's hiding in his quarters all the time..."

"You can't blame yourself, Rin! Maybe he just still doesn't feel well? Time Compression did mess with all of our heads..." Irvine nodded at this, finally joining the conversation.

"Yeah, maybe Squall is just taking it easy." He drawled, trying to ease Rinoa. She continued to bite her lip, eyes fixed on something far away.

"I know!" Selphie piped up. "Let's go check on him! Right now!" Rinoa's head lifted; she fixed Selphie with a wary look.

"Do you really think that's such a good idea?" She grimaced. Rinoa knew Squall liked his privacy, but she _was_ worried about him...

"Sure." Irvine said, rising to his feet. "If he's grumpy, we'll just get right outta there!" Selphie jumped up as well, clapping her hands. Irvine grinned at her, eliciting a bright one from Selphie back.

"Let's go visit the Commander!" She linked arms with Rinoa and started to skip out of the cafeteria. Irvine followed behind the girls, secretly enjoying the view. With Selphie chattering the whole way, they made their way to the third floor rooms, and stopped in front of Squall's door. The keypad next to the door blinked red; the door was locked. Selphie dropped a wink before knocking loudly. They waited, tapping their feet, for a moment before Selphie frowned and knocked again and calling out impatiently.

"Squall? You home?" She moved to put her ear against the door. Just as she leaned in, the door opened with a whoosh and the outline of Squall become barely visible. The room behind him was dark, but a dim light radiated from the bedroom.

"Yes?" He said in a dull voice, staying within the shadows of his room. Selphie squinted, peering in. Rinoa and Irvine exchanged a worried glance.

"Squall, is that you? Jeez, I can barely see you..." She pushed her way past Squall, feeling the wall carefully, hunting for a light switch. "Aha!" She yelled, triumphant. She flicked it quickly. The light illuminated the room blindly, followed by a gasp. Selphie turned around to see the cause.

"Squall?" Rinoa's voice was coated with worry. "Are you alright...?" Her voice was hesistant, but the question came out before she could stop it. She stayed hovering by the door. Irvine stood next to her, mouth agape. Selphie let her eyes adjust to the light, then focused on the Garden Commander.

He looked horrible. There was no other way to put it. His hair stuck straight up, dull and unwashed. Its normal chocolate brown had been diminished: it now looked a washed out black. His eyes were bloodshot and red, like he had been crying. Underneath his eyes were black, sagging bags. His normally pale skin now looked nearly transparent, and he had lost weight. His leather pants bagged slightly around his legs and hips. His lips looked dry and gray, and his cheekbones jutted out. Selphie was taken aback at how sick he looked.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asked, fixing them with a blank stare, his tone even. Even his eyes seemed duller, less alive. Their color had darkened into a deep, charcoal gray. Rinoa felt something pull at her heartstrings as she looked at him.

"We came to make sure you were, you know...doing ok?" Irvine ventured, stepping further into the room. Squall quickly shifted his gaze and fixed him with an icy glare. Irvine stopped in his tracks. Althought he would never admit it, Squall could be pretty scary. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine. I have a lot of work to do. Sorry." He motioned towards the door, giving the trio an expectant look. Rinoa looked at him, then met eyes with Selphie, giving a quick nod. She backed up to the door, giving a quick wave.

"We just wanted to make sure you were recovering alright...sorry Squall." She whispered, backing out of the room slowly. Irvine followed with a nod and a quick salute to Squall.

"Squall, are you sure you're alright? You don't look so good..." Selphie ventured, stepping to his side. Squall fixed her with a cold glare. Undeterred, Selphie lay a hand on his forehead. It was freezing. She frowned, smelling a mix of alcohol and sweat near Squall.

"Yes, Selphie, please. I have a lot of work to do. We can catch up later, okay?" He removed her hand and gave her a gentle push towards the door. She gave him with a sad gaze.

"Alright...well, we'll see you later then..." Her last words were cut off as the door shut after her. Sighing, she shrugged at her two friends. "I guess he was just busy...we'll come back another day." Worried, the trio walked away, wondering if they should do something about Squall.

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Inside of his quarters, Squall sunk down to the floor after closing and engaging the door locks. The visit had worn him out...he hadn't been planning on getting out of bed today. Spots danced before his eyes. Groaning, he put a hand to his forehead, trying to block the pain. With his eyes closed, he tried to remember. When was the last time he ate anything? He couldn't remember. These past few weeks were a tearful blur, in which he had been drinking hard liquor until he fell asleep in a stupor.

Slowly, he rose up from the carpeted floor and shakily made his way to the small kitchen. Opening the fridge, he realized he didn't have much to eat. A carton of eggs a month past expiration, some moldy cheese, rotting broccoli...sighing, he made his way to the bread box. A moldy half-loaf of bread waited inside. Angry, he tossed it in the garbage.

_'Well, whatever._' He thought to himself. _'I don't need to eat anyway. I don't deserve to get rid of this pain. I couldn't save Seifer...I don't deserve to eat...'_ With a nod filled with finality, he grabbed a bottle of amber whiskey and flicked off the light. He started to chug as he made his way to the bedroom. '_Here's to you, Seifer…I miss you…'_ He made his way to the bed, and collapsed on to it fully clothed. Another night of drunken dreaming awaited him.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Updated

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Bent over the toilet, Squall swore to himself he was done with drinking. He had been retching for over an hour, just trying to bring up the rest of the alcohol. His throat was raw and bleeding, but he could force nothing else up. Standing up slowly, he flushed the tan vomit down the toilet, watching the contents of his stomach swirl away into nothing. Shakily, he forced some water into his mouth to spit out the remainder of vomit. Grabbing the edges of the sink, he looked up at himself in the mirror.

He still hadn't eaten. It had been 4 days since Selphie, Irvine, and Rinoa came to see him. Since then, he had done nothing but drink and sleep. The pain he felt still hadn't subsided at all. But when he thought about not eating, starving himself…he felt almost right. In his heart, he knew he deserved it. Not eating was better relief then the drinking. Smiling to himself, he studied his appearance.

In the mirror, he could see his cheekbones, protruding gently from his face. When he had been weighed in the infirmary, he'd weighed 155 pounds. Perfect for his 5 feet, 8 inch tall frame. This morning, he weighed 130 on his small, digital scale.

He had knitted his brow in confusion. Was it possible to lose 25 pounds in a matter of weeks? He guessed it had been about a month and a half since he left the infirmary, but he wasn't really sure. Maybe the scale was broken. But, Squall thought to himself, that didn't explain his bones poking out. He had definitely lost weight. His clothes were all looser, and he had to tighten his belts. He leaned closer to the mirror. He could clearly see his clavicle, jutting out and leaving an indent in his flesh. He had always had pronounced collarbones, but this was crazy. He leaned back again. Again, he had that strange feeling of pleasure coarse through him.

He knew his skin was too pale; it was past white and looked almost papery. He knew his eyes were dark and cold, and they looked tired. But looking in the mirror, he felt this was the way he was SUPPOSED to look. He felt like this is what he deserved...too skinny, too pale, too sickly-looking. He liked it. He gently fingered the collarbone, eyes shining.

He knew he wasn't fragile, but if he looked fragile...maybe...maybe Seifer would come home. Seifer was always there to help him before when he was in trouble…so maybe…

Inside, he felt a little stir, just a twinge of something before it passed.

He knew it was stupid. He knew it was impossible. At this point, Seifer was probably dead. Everybody else thought he was dead. And Squall knew it was his fault. There were so many times he could've stopped Seifer...but he was too weak. Squall knew he was the only person who could've snapped Seifer out of it…but he didn't try hard enough.

Squall chortled to himself. Maybe that was why this look suited him. Maybe he needed to look weak because he WAS weak. The thought didn't actually surprise him. He figured he had probably always been weak.

He'd have to eat eventually, he knew that, but right now...he wanted to grieve. He wasn't sure what for, but he knew that's what he was doing. Maybe he was grieving the death of his 'strong' self. Snickering to himself, he turned off the overhead light and left the bathroom. He grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen and headed for bed.

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The room smelled sterile. He guessed he was in a hospital, or at least some sort of medical facility. The smell was all he had to go by - it was the only sense that seemed to work. Try as he might, his eyes remained glued shut, and his arms seemed impossibly heavy against his sides. He wasn't sure if anyone was trying to talk to him, but if they were, he heard nothing. Absently, he wondered what was wrong with him. One of the last things he could remember was a duel with Squall...he had to apologize for that. He hadn't meant to scar Squall...especially on his face…

He sighed inwardly. He felt out of place. He knew there was something missing...but it was like his memories were behind a film of fog. He thought he could see through them sometimes, a flash of Matron, Rinoa crying, a girl in a yellow dress. And Squall...he could see Squall...

He let his mind focus on Squall. God, he wanted to see him right now. He needed to apologize. It had been at the forefront of his mind since...well, since he could remember. Seifer had a funny feeling that there was a lot he needed to apologize for, and he had to clear the air. Squall was the only person he felt himself with.

He felt his mind grow fuzzy. He knew he was going to fall asleep soon...and he wanted to fall asleep thinking of Squall.

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	4. Chapter 4

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Two weeks later, Squall was stepping on the scale for the third time that day. 117 pounds. How could he have only lost 4 pounds this week? Frustrated, he threw a punch into the wall, opening a small hole in the plaster. Searing pain radiated through his hand, but he welcomed it. He deserved it. Only four pounds...that wasn't good enough.

He had to buckle down. He had to be stronger. He had to do this.

If Seifer ever came home...well, he had to be perfect. He had to show Seifer how strong he could be now, how perfect everything would be if he just came home.

He had been trying lately not to think of his former rival. He wasn't sure how he felt about him anymore. If they were 'just rivals', then why did Squall care so much? Why should he be so upset that he was dead? Deep down, he felt things that he tried to shove aside. However, they kept bubbling up to the surface. Thinking about Seifer hurt his heart...hurt every fiber of his being. And sometimes he had...awkward thoughts about Seifer. He tried not to dwell on them, but try telling that to a certain part of his anatomy...

Not to mention that fact that Squall couldn't seem to control his dreams, no matter how much he wanted to.

Frustrated, he dressed and left the bedroom and got his water from the kitchen.

He loved water. It tasted clean, cool, pure. Not to mention: 0 calories. And zero calories meant no guilt, no weight gain, no satisfaction.

Lately he had tried to find other foods he could eat, or liquids he could drink for some kind of nourishment. But water was the only thing he could keep down easily, and it was the thing that made him feel the best. He loved feeling completely empty, everything else he wanted out of his body. Food or juice didn't last long in his stomach: he body was rejecting most of the foods or juice he put into it. But he knew he needed to eat sometimes. The last thing he needed was to drop dead. That would be weakness. He had to live like this. He had to be strong. It was the only thing he had.

He decided to eat a string cheese (50 calories, he thought to himself), and then go work out in the training center. The exercise would burn off the cheese in no time. He smiled to himself. Controlling his food, his exercise, his body...it made him feel so powerful. He had never before felt this strong, this empowered. Lacing his boots, he thought about the number of enemies he would slay, how much magic he would use, and how many times he could heal himself. He planned out his entire workout, recording the details in his mind.

Hefting Lionheart over his shoulder, he stepped out of his room into the cool, empty hallway. Smiling to himself, he made his way down to the training center.

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He was 15 enemies into his workout. 35 more to kill to get to his goal of 50 creatures slain. No more, no less. Squall wiped a torrent of sweat off his brow, frustrated. He should have been going faster then this. He could have been done by now, and he shouldn't have been sweating so much. And why was it so cold in here? This was a tropical environment. Maybe the heaters were broken. He made a mental note to check it out in the morning.

Trembling, he straightened up, shrugging off the sick feelings, and prepared to move into the center of the Training Center. This was no time to be weak. This way was where the stronger monsters were...he could only hope to find a T-Rexaur to fight. The smaller monsters weren't giving him enough of a workout, despite all the sweat. He needed more. He had to burn more, he had to get back that beautiful, empty feeling.

He reached a small clearing of dirt and looked around cautiously, gray eyes scanning the area. He knew enemies could sneak up at any moment and catch him off guard if he wasn't careful. Off in the corner, he spotted a lone Grat, lazily moving along the grass. Dizzily, he snuck over, raising Lionheart over his head quietly. The weight of Lionheart didn't feel so comfortable, suddenly felt too heavy, too stiff in his arms. His vision blurred and he felt a roaring in his ears, growing louder by the second. He quickly lowered Lionheart and backed away from the Grat. Sinking to his knees, he realized it was too late. He had attracted the other monsters in the area.

_'Well, this is what happens...you can't do anything right...'_ He watched the creatures slowly approach him as his vision began to dim and the roaring began to subside.

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He felt a thin layer of crust break as he forced himself to open one eye, then the other. The room seemed incredibly bright; he closed his eyes again quickly to block out the white. Slowly, he began opening them once more, allowing himself time to adjust. He was right - this was a hospital room. He could see the monitors, the IV bag, and the standard wall-mounted TV. There was a window on the wall to his right, and bright sunlight streamed in.

Slowly, he tried to sit up. His limbs and muscle felt wobbly and stiff. He managed to sit up a bit, then flopped back onto the pillow, exhausted. It felt as though he hadn't moved in ages. Sighing, he did a visual inventory of his body. Both arms, check. Both legs, check. All fingers and toes, check. He couldn't see anything physically wrong with him, aside from old battle scars he had attained over the years.

_'Well, that's a plus I guess. But if there isn't anything wrong with me, then why am I here?_' Sullenly, he stared out the window, letting his eyes readjust to the light and color of the world, waiting for someone to come and explain to him why he was alone in a hospital bed.

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The mood in the Balamb Garden infirmary was somber. Behind a translucent curtain, the Commander of Balamb Garden lay unconscious, machines hooked to his arms. Quistis and Zell stood outside, speaking with Doctor Kadowaki. Selphie and Irvine remained posted near Squall's bed, assuring if he awoke, he could not leave.

"I'm afraid Squall's condition is severe." Doctor Kadowaki began slowly, flipping through his chart. Squall's file was quite full; although Squall was normally healthy, his dueling and training caused him to come in often.

"Well, what's wrong with him? Is it still the Time Compression sickness?" Quistis asked quietly. The doctor hesitated a moment before continuing. She closed the chart and looked straight at Quistis, deciding internally to be frank with Squall's friends.

"Squall weighed 155 pounds when we released him from the infirmary. Judging by how he looks right now, I'd say he weights about 115 pounds. That's dangerously underweight for someone of Squall's stature, especially considering Squall is very muscular." She stopped there, looking at Quistis expectantly. Quistis stared at her with a blank look.

"So...what kind of tests are you going to run? What could he be sick with if it isn't the Time Compression? Could it be anything contagious?" Kadowaki stared at her, getting a little irritated. Could Quistis, the smartest instructor at Garden, really not see what was wrong with Squall? She figured she better tread carefully.

"Look, Quistis, Zell, why don't we go to my office?" She gestured behind her. "We can have a little more privacy there, and talk about what needs to be done for Squall." She led the way into the small room, closing the door behind her. Selphie watched with interest, but remained by Squall's side.

Quistis sat in a small chair by the desk; Zell remained standing, hopping from foot to foot. Doctor Kadowaki seated herself behind her desk, placing Squall's chart down in front of her and rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Quistis asked softly, meeting the doctor's eyes. She was answered with a quick nod.

"I'll try to explain." Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she continued. "From the rumors around Garden, and the information you two, Rinoa, and Selphie have given me, I think Squall is losing weight intentionally." Pausing, she watched Quistis and Zell's faces for emotion. They looked blank.

"You're saying, Squall wanted to get thinner? Squall wanted to look...like this?" Quistis looked mildly disgusted. Doctor Kadowaki nodded.

"You've all told me the same thing: Squall doesn't seem the same after coming back to Garden. He's withdrawn, and he doesn't look like he's taking care of himself. I've seen this before in other Seeds...I think Squall has post-traumatic stress disorder."

"I know what that is. Rinoa has been seeing a therapist who told her she has the same thing. But what does that have to do with Squall's weight, or being sick?" Quistis stared down Doctor Kadowaki, eyes icy. Zell nodded in agreement, blonde hair bouncing.

"Yeah, I mean, Rin has been fine..she's been working through it. And she hasn't lost any weight or anything like that! Her therapist gave her some medicine and she says she's doing better. And besides, Squall's always been strong...stronger then all of us. There's no way he'd get something like Rinoa has…I mean, Rinoa is Rinoa and Squall is Squall." His tone was slightly accusatory. Kadowaki sighed. It was always so hard to explain something you couldn't see. In this case, it was going to be especially hard – Squall was not only male, but an incredibly self-sufficient male who always had it together.

"People deal with PTSD in different ways. It depends on the severity. And PTSD can sometimes lead to other mental issues: depression, self-injury, anxiety...in Squall's case, I think it resulted in anorexia nervosa." Zell snorted and threw his hands up. Quistis shut him up with an angry chop of her arm.

"I thought that only afflicted women." She said to the doctor, her voice carrying a slight chill. Doctor Kadowaki resisted a shiver.

"It is far more common in women, yes. But it is not unheard or that rare for men to suffer as well. The important thing is to officially diagnose it, and get Squall the help he needs. At this point, he is severely dehydrated and malnourished." Quistis nodded, thoughtful.

"How long until he wakes up?" The doctor hesitated. This was the part she was dreading. They all cared about Squall deeply...herself included. She didn't want to give them bad news, but she knew it would be worse to keep it from them.

"Squall is in a hypoglycaemic coma. This results from a lack of glucose in the blood." She looked at Quistis, who nodded her understanding. Kadowaki figured the instructor would know about the topic; Quistis often taught first aid and medical courses. "It usually reverses itself within a few days, as long as we bring his glucose levels back to normal. We are already administering Squall some through IV, as well as electrolytes and other nutrients he desperately needs. Of course, there is always the chance that Squall will not wake up any time soon, or at all." Quistis' eyes widened, and Zell finally stopped bouncing.

"You mean...he could never wake up?" He asked, growing pale. The doctor nodded at him with sad eyes.

"Of course, we hope for the best, and the chances of him waking up soon are very high. And Squall is a fighter, so I'm sure he'll wake up anytime now. However...we need to discuss treatment for when he wakes up..." Quistis and Zell listened grimly as Doctor Kadowaki covered in-patient treatment, feeding tubes, therapy, medications, and more. Quistis almost hoped Squall would stay asleep…he was going to hate what they were doing to him when he woke up.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: After a hiatus for working on my NaNoWriMo, I am hopefully back to finish this story up! (NaNoWriMo is taking forever….I didn't finish in time but I'm not giving up the story) In regards to my own eating disorder, I am hopefully going back into treatment soon, but I promise not to let this story die. I'll finish it eventually!

"Hey, Mr. Almasy!" A cheerful voice caused Seifer to open his eyes. A blonde-haired beauty came bouncing in the doorway, arms full with a stack of newspapers and magazines. Her usual nurse cap was pinned to her head, and she wore a bright name tag that read "Rose!" in red ink. Seifer smiled at it subtly, eager for the company.

"Good morning, Rose." Seifer sat up in his hospital bed, using his arms for leverage.

"I brought today's papers!" Seifer smiled at her broadly, and gestured to the table next to his hospital bed. She dropped the heavy stack with a thud.

"Why thank you, pretty lady!" He tipped an imaginary hat at the nurse, causing her to giggle. Seifer inwardly preened. He hadn't lost his charm.

"Now, now, you sit tight while I go get your meds." She winked at Seifer, knowing he couldn't really go anywhere: he was still in a hospital gown and hooked up to various machines. He nodded and shooed her away, picking up the first newspaper in the stack. The newspapers and magazines were the only way he could keep in touch with the real world. He wasn't due to leave the hospital for another two weeks at least, but he needed to know where Squall was when he got out. There was no shortage of articles on Balamb Garden's new commander, and Seifer read them all thoroughly.

As he scanned the Deling City Daily, a headline screamed at him from the bottom of the front page.

_Balamb Garden Commander Hospitalized For Eating Disorder_

Seifer goggled at the headline, disbelief apparent on his face. He blinked, but the article remained. He scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands, wiping away the moisture that dripped from his eyelashes in protest at the rough treatment. The headline still blared out from the front page, dancing before his eyes. Hastily, he read on, making sure it was actually _Squall Leonhart_ they were talking about. The article mentioned anorexia nervosa, and talked about inpatient treatments. Seifer's disbelief deepened: Squall Leonhart…anorexic? His mind began toying with the idea that this article was some kind of practical joke, but this was the _Deling City Daily_, the biggest paper on the continent (if not in the world) and he doubted a joke like this would fly with their bigwigs.

He still wouldn't have believed it if it wasn't for the picture on page A3, tucked neatly in-between an article about a famous athlete's career-ending injury and a piece on the kidnapping of a pregnant wife. A black and white photo of a sickly, skinny Squall stared out at him, and Seifer felt tears well up. Squall looked like shit, there wasn't a more eloquent way to put it. Seifer had never seen Leonhart looking so weak, so helpless. Angles had replaced the soft swell of Leonhart's cheeks, and dreary circles darkened the skin under his eyes. He swallowed, and put on a straight face, reading the article word for word.

"Whoa…are you alright, Seifer?" Rose came walking back in, a glass of water in one hand and a cardboard cup filled with pills in the other. Seifer nodded slowly, keeping his eyes focused on the article. The nurse came further in, and sat gently on the edge of the hospital bed. Seifer put down the newspaper and reached out to take his medicine, washing down the pills with the clear water. He emptied the glass and handed it back to her.

"So…are you gonna tell me what's wrong? Are you feeling ill? Should I get Dr. Hyaw?" Concerned, she placed a cool hand on his forehead. Seifer shook his head side to side, and handed her the newspaper. Her eyes moved slowly across the page. They widened as realization hit home, and she handed the newspaper back, shaking her head sadly.

"That is _your_ Squall? This is the person you've been trying so hard to get to?"

"Yeah, that's Squally boy. I don't believe this: I can't believe it." Seifer said dully, locking eyes his green eyes with Rose's blue ones. He hardened his facial expression. "I have to go." Rose stood up quickly, getting a stern look across her normally gentle features.

"You can't go anywhere! You aren't fully recovered yet! The doctors all agreed: at least 2 more weeks!" Seifer began to shake his head while she was talking, blonde hair bouncy gently against his face.

"I can't stay here knowing he…" He swallowed, unsure of what to say. "Look, all I know is that he needs me. We understand each other. I have to go. No one else will be able to help him." He spoke the words with complete conviction, even though he hadn't seen Squall since he scarred his face. Or at least, as far as he remembered. Rose watched as his usually composed face crumple as Seifer tried to keep his cool. She sighed, giving in.

"Look, your paperwork isn't even started. It would take a few days, at the very _least…_" She trailed off, watching his eyes light up.

"Where did they put my stuff?"

"I really don't think I'm supposed to tell you that…" Seifer waved a hand at her.

"Look, one way or another – I'm leaving. I could leave unarmed and in a hospital gown, or you could tell me where my things are. I won't tell anyone you helped me. You could even tell them I held you at Gunblade point." He smirked.

"Yeah, like anyone would believe that." She scoffed, waving a dismissive hand at him. "Look, I'll get your things…just…wait here." Rose hurried out of the room, eyes darting from one of the hall to the other. Seifer leaned back on the bed and inspected his I.V., undoing the medical tape covering it. Deftly, he pulled out the needle. A drop of blood appeared; he wiped it up with a finger and wiped it on the gown. He proceeded to switch off the monitors and machines surrounding him, and began removing the sensors from his body. He breathed a sigh of relief when he was freed and no alarms were chiming.

He rose from the small bed and flexed his muscles. He felt well for being in a hospital for months; physical therapy had helped him greatly. Seifer wondered if he would be able to wield Hyperion as efficiently as usual. While waiting for Rose to return, he began warming up his muscles, practicing old fighting techniques that he might need on the journey across the continent to save Squall.

Rose came back minutes later, with arms full of Seifer's belongings. She cautiously eyed him moving swiftly around the room.

"No one saw me." She started, placing the pile of things on the bed. Seifer stopped moving and turned towards her, his hospital gown billowing out and exposing his right cheek. He began to untie the back of the gown, making his way to the pile of clothes. Rose looked away; Seifer, who didn't have a modest bone in his body, stripped and slipped on the black boxers. He tenderly brushed a hand against his leather trench coat, relishing the smoothness of it.

"Rose, I can't thank you enough." He spoke quietly as he pulled on a soft white shirt, noticing his blue vest was missing. Rose caught his puzzled gaze and answered the unspoken question.

"When you came in, they had to cut off your shirt. That white one is just a replacement I found…" She trailed off, watching Seifer carefully ease on his pants. He grimaced a little as he lifted his leg, but his expression smoothed out quickly. He sat down heavily on the end of the bed and began to put on his socks and boots.

"You know, you're lucky they saved your trench coat. It looks expensive." Rose spoke, trying to make conversation. She could only imagine the vast amount of trouble she would be in. She was not only releasing a patient without permission, but this patient also happened to be the former knight of evil Sorceress Ultimecia. She shook her head, sighing to herself.

"You won't be in trouble." Seifer spoke, startling Rose out of her worries. "I'll see to it." Even though Rose had no reason to believe him, she felt comforted by his words. She nodded silently, fighting back tears that suddenly sprung to her eyes. Seifer rose from the bed and sprung up on his feet, testing his boots. He grinned at the familiar feel. With a flourish, he wrapped the white trench coat around himself. Hyperion, sheathed in its leather case, went strapped on his back. Seifer felt completely whole, the best he had felt since he woke up in this strange hospital with no memory of how he got there.

Rose looked up at him again, and this time a tear escaped and slid down her cheek. Seifer faltered at this, and Rose almost laughed at the boyish expression of helplessness on his face. Clearly this was a man who didn't know what to do when a woman cried.

"Promise me you'll be careful, Seifer. Take care of yourself…" She wiped away the tear and smiled up at him, patting his arm. Seifer bent and kissed her cheek gently, squeezing her with one arm.

"I will. I can't undo all the work you and the doctors did for me!" He winked, and this time she _did_ laugh, and pushed him away.

"Get going before I change my mind!" She gave him a swat towards the door, and turned away from him, facing the window. "I didn't see a thing!" She heard him chuckle quietly, followed by a soft rustle. She stood facing the window for a long time, listening to the silence that followed in the empty hospital room.

A/N: Please review! I did this chapter a little differently, trying to make it longer and focus on one side at a time…please, let me know if you like it or not!


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